i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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