Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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