I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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