I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
