weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
