fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
