I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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