You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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