Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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