Kareoke will never be a sober sport
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
