I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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