I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
