I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
