All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
