This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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