Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
