i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
