I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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