So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
