What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
