your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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