Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
