This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
