is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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