his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
