I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
