I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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