I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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