Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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