I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dicks are not precious.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
