she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
