I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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