ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
