You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
