what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
