I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
