me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
