Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
