Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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