he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
