last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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