Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
