help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
