i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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