Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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