your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
