Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
