she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
