i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
