No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
