best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
