If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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